


Steamed Hams

by Cheesu



Category: The Beatles, The Simpsons
Genre: M/M, Pining, Steamed Hams, Unrequited Love, yoko is mildly antagonised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 20:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14143788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheesu/pseuds/Cheesu
Summary: Steamed hams, but it's a mclennon fic





	Steamed Hams

John rang the buzzer to let Paul into the building. Today was the day he was finally gonna meet up with Paul at his own apartment after years of separation. Yoko had forbidden John from seeing him- well, not explicitly, but it was implied. He always had a sneaking suspicion that she was jealous of the former Beatle and truth be told, she's justified in thinking that. He always was rather close with Paul. Ok, that's an understatement, he was almost madly in love with him. Almost. With a knock at the door, John eagerly rushed to the door and opened it. There stood Paul with that dark hair and big hazel doe eyes that he missed so much.

"Well, John I made it... despite your directions," Paul chuckled.

"Ah, Paulie! Good to see ya! I hope you're excited for lunch!" John said hoping he didn't sound too eager. Paul just smiled his usual polite smile. Even though he's known him for decades, he still can't always tell what he's thinking. Of course, this only complicated things.

"Yeah. Thanks for inviting me, John," said Paul politely.

John guided Paul into the apartment. Paul looked around. He hadn't been here before. John's house in Surrey had been full of eclectic knick knacks and artwork, but this was rather minimal and clean. He assumed it was mostly Yoko's doing. He took a seat in their dining room and put his gift wine in the metal bucket as John went to go check on the food.

"SHIT!!! MY BREAD IS RUINED!" John whisper-yelled as the smoke clouded his vision. Once it cleared, he clearly saw the blackened bread sitting in the oven. He fucked up, as usual. Of course he had to ruin his unforgettable lunch with Paul. Well, it was certainly unforgettable.

John went over to his window to brood about his failure and ultimate unhappiness since his one true love will be disappointed in his inability to perform simple tasks. However, the brooding only lasted for about 15 seconds when he noticed the Dollar Pizza across the street.

"What if... I buy a pie and disguise it as my own cooking," John said to himself. He let out a brief chuckle. "Oh Johnny, you cheeky cunt."

 _Jesus_ , Paul thought. _What has taking him so long?_ He hoped that John hadn't forgotten about him, though he wouldn't put it passed him. He wondered if John still held something against him. Despite everything, Paul wanted to forgive him. He's not sure why, but perhaps it's just because he wanted to be friends again. He didn't want any animosity. He missed the old days in some ways. He knew everything would never be the same as it was, but wouldn't it be nice to have his best friend back?

"Mate, you alright in there?" Paul called.

He waited a few seconds, but no answer. Paul walked into the kitchen only to find John with his leg on the windowsill as if to walk onto the fire escape.

"Paul! I was just, er, stretching my calves on the windowsill! It's part of this yoga thing Yoko and I are doing, care to join me?" John sputtered frantically.

"Why is there smoke coming out of your oven?"

"Oh that's not smoke, it's steam! Steamed from the steamed yams we're having! mmmm! Steamed yams!" John pretended to rub his stomach in a circular motion to show exactly how delicious they were. As he watched Paul leave, he let out a deep sigh of relief.

* * *

 

"Paul, I hope you're ready for some mouthwatering Pizza!" John said walking into the dining room.

"I thought we were having steamed yams?"

"Oh, no! I said steamed hams!" John started and immediately regretted. "That's what I call pizza!"

"You call pizza  steamed hams?" Paul inquired.

John's hands were getting clammy. He couldn't fuck this up. It was might be his last chance with Paul and he already started digging his own grave! He racked his mind for some sort of excuse.

"Yeah, it's a regional dialect."

"We're both from Liverpool."

"It's a New York expression. Y'know you live somewhere for a while and you start to sound like them," John chuckled nervously.

"... I see." Paul wore a look of skepticism on his face that John could read immediately. They've gotten past a point of curt politeness, but with John's... situation, there was no comfort. There was a pregnant pause making the tension only thicker. Paul looked down at his slice and picked it up. John couldn't help but feel bad for lying like this, but he couldn't stop! He couldn't lose Paul... not again.

"Y'know this does taste quite a bit like a classic New York slice. Kind of like the one I had last time I was here from one of those dollar slice places, y'know."

"Well, I er, learnt it while I was here, y'know." John was just coming up with excuses out of his ass. Just, straight up improvising. Maybe he _should_ be on SNL if he's such a good actor. "New York, New York! It's a Hell of a Town!" He added on in a sing-song voice to diffuse the mood.

"Yeah, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that this is clearly baked and there are no hams?"

"Y- er- you know- One thing I sh- Excuse me for a second." John smelled the smoke from the kitchen and started to panic.

"Of course." Paul smiled again, but this time John KNEW it he blew it. He knew Paul knew he was lying through his teeth. He walked back into the kitchen to check on that smoke, only to find full on flames. Yeah, he fucked up. He quickly returned to the dining room with the door swinging behind him.

"Aaaaaa well. That was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped."

"Yeah, I gotta-" Paul started "GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?"

Searching for, yet another excuse, John blurted out, "AURORA BOREALIS."

"A-AURORA BOREALIS? AT THIS TIME OF YEAR, AT THIS TIME OF DAY, IN THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY, LOCALISED ENTIRELY WITHIN YOUR KITCHEN?" Paul was fuming. He had had it with John's antics; his lying, his irresponsibility and his carelessness. He could not believe the lengths he would go to cover up his own mistakes. On top of that, he clearly couldn't even do a simple task like prepare a nice luncheon for him! Now he comes up with this Aurora Borealis shit?

"Yes!" John looked wide-eyed at his ex-Best Fried/enduring crush. He knew he was guilty and for some odd reason, Paul just had to forgive him, so he continued to play a long, quickly calming himself.

"May I see it?"

"No."

* * *

 

"JOHN! THE APARTMENT’S ON FIRE!" Yoko called from the window. He didn't even see her return despite the fact that they were outside.

"No Mother, it's just the northern lights."

"Well John," Paul smiled, this time genuinely. "It was nice to see you again. You're your same odd self, but you steam a good ham."

John smiled back. He couldn't believe, that despite All That, Paul still wanted to be his friend and though he might want something else with Paul, this was nice. The two men hugged for about a whole minute, but John didn't want it to end. During that one minute, it felt as though it was just he and Paul. As though nothing wrong had happened and that everything was fine. He couldn't even hear Yoko's pleas for help from inside the burning building or the fire truck speeding down the street.

**Author's Note:**

> Next Sunday, know i'm going to confession.


End file.
